[Samantha] You are listening to episode 0 of She’s Not Selfish. I’m your host, Samantha Dorsey. You may be wondering, ‘Hey Samantha, what’s up with this episode 0 stuff, I thought we would start at episode 1.’ That’s a great question. This is actually our pre - launch episode to give you a little taste of what this podcast sounds like, what it’s about, who I am, all that good stuff. So here’s the deal, if you like what you hear in this episode, I want you to hit subscribe so that you are ready to go when episode 1 drops, which is going to be on November 13th. Let’s get to this episode 0 stuff, shall we? Here we go.
When you were in high school or college, did you ever have to take a public speaking class? During my last semester of undergrad, I had to take this persuasive speaking course and it was taught by this, kind of, quirky grad student. I remember when we were learning how to polish the introductions for our speeches. He used to talk to us about the natural tendency and inclination to want to get empathy from your audience.
For example, being like. “Oh my gosh, you guys, this is just so uncomfortable and like… You know how it is, public speaking is just so hard and I’m kind freaking out, but I just really appreciate you guys understanding and being on board for this. This is not easy, so let’s dive in.”
You know, okay sure, you can try to do that, but that’s really valuable air time where you could actually be getting them engaged in what you’re trying to speak with them about and actually ultimately persuade them regarding, right.
The grad student was like, “This is a big no no. Y’all need to stop doing this.” It was really hard for some of the people in the class to get over that and to just dive right in with boldness and confidence into the meat and substance of the speech.
All that to say, I’m going to spare you the long conversation about how, ‘Oh my gosh, podcasting is new to me and this is kind of terrifying and I don’t know exactly what I’m doing.’ I’m just going to jump right into our conversation because that’s what we’re here for, right? We’re here to have meaningful, deep, authentic conversations. So, I’m just going to imagine that you and I are sitting in one of our favorite coffee shops and we’re sipping on our favorite delicious fall beverage, and we’re just having this great conversation. I want to invite you to that imaginary scene with me as we dive right in.
Now, right now, I just want to acknowledge that it’s very possible that you’re wondering to yourself, ‘What is this girl who specializes in prenatal and postnatal fitness doing with this podcast that is primarily about mindset, in addition to some of these other topics in health?’ It’s a great question. I’m going to start with a quick example and then I’m going to answer you very directly.
For example, I work with a lot of women who want to resolve diastisis rectus abdomisis after pregnancy. There are usually two main categories of reasons that come up. You can probably guess what they are. One has to do with function and the other has to do with appearance. Appearance is something that I personally struggled with a lot after my second pregnancy.
Now, here’s my hypothesis. Body image at its root is an identity issue. In other words, to what extent is our sense of value worth and beauty being derived from our physical bodies, our physical appearances, versus our non physical, non tangible and truest selves.
Unsurprisingly, body image is, whether consciously or subconsciously, inherently interwoven into our pursuit of fitness and health. Alright, so if that image, which is an identity issue is woven into our pursuit of fitness and health, whether we recognize it or acknowledge it or not, then it becomes clear that we cannot experience sustainable breakthrough in our fitness and health without also nurturing a healthy identity sense of self, sense of worth, mindset, etcetera.
Given that, I’m going to propose to you that we will never have healthy sustainable relationships with exercise or food until we do the inner work that this podcast is going to, in part, address. With that now being established, let’s get right into it.
I’m gonna make an assumption, it’s an educated guess, more accurately. I’m going to guess that what you do not need is yet another stranger telling you that you are amazing and strong and such a boss. granted, those things are nice to hear. They’re nice to say, but I don’t think that you need to hear that from another stranger.
For example, if I were to tell you right now, “Oh my gosh girl, you are an incredible mother.” Right, because that’s an area where a lot of us tend to seek affirmation and reassurance, isn’t it? When it comes to our motherhood and our parenting. So if I were to say that to you, like, it feels good to hear that and it feels good to say it too. But, I’m not qualified to make that statement. I mean, I don’t know what kind of mother you are I have no idea what you’re like with your kids.
So, a statement like that, has limited value and stunted authenticity. Doesn’t it? It’s just words coming from me. They mean so much more coming from someone who knows you, or has observed your parenting, right? You are an incredible mother. Yeah, they know. Because they’ve seen you in action.
So often, we spend a lot of time and effort seeking affirmation and reassurance. Whether we realize it or not. Sometimes it happens consciously, sometimes it happens subconsciously. We seek this affirmation and reassurance from people who we respect, but also sometimes from people we don’t respect, right? We seek it from people we know, love, and trust, but also sometimes from people we don’t know, love and trust.
A perfect example of this is when we seek affirmation or reassurance from strangers on social media. You know, with those little hearts, those little likes. But then, the really interesting part of it is, we’re using those inputs, again sometimes from people we don’t even know or trust or respect. We’re using those inputs to shape our identity, to shape how we think and feel about ourselves.
I’m going to say that that’s not all bad. To want assurance sometimes and to want affirmation sometimes, right? It’s a beautiful transaction, this giving and receiving of encouragement. But, it’s the needing and relying on it specifically from people who aren’t in our inner circle that’s problematic.
Before we move on, I want to say one quick thing about encouragement. I love encouragement. Who doesn’t love encouragement? It’s a great thing. It’s important, it’s needed, it’s powerful. But here’s the thing, encouragement is not a catalyst for meaningful and inspired action. Encouragement is not a catalyst.
It’s important that in our lives as we’re going through our days that we’re seeking more than just encouragement all the time. We need to be seeking accountability and mentorship and discipleship.
So, now that we’ve talked about all that. If I’m proposing that you don’t need one more stranger’s encouragement and affirmation and reassurance, what do you need? Why am I here talking to you? What am I here to offer you? My educated guess is that you need to know, deep down in your core, that you are worthy. To you, that needs to be an indisputable fact. Not just a belief, not just a thought. An indisputable fact. I am worthy.
That worthiness, you need to know, it’s not derived from the affirmation, the reassurance, the encouragement that you receive or don’t receive from others. It has nothing to do with that. It simply is. It’s an indisputable part of you.
So then, this begs the question, what are you worthy of? Right. You are worthy of whatever it is that you determine you want in your life. Boom! Yeah, whatever you want. You’re worthy of it. That’s a big statement isn’t it? Why? How? How can I say this? Why are you worthy? Where does it come from? You are a human person. Period. It’s that simple. You’re a human person, and you are worthy. Boom!
Now, I’m a Christian, I love the Lord and if we want to go deeper in the conversation, I would tell you that you are divinely designed. You were lovingly created in the image of God and that you’re worth and worthiness are inherent for that reason. Your worth and worthiness are inherent in the same way that your DNA is inseparable from you, your worth is inseparable from you.
Wow, that’s powerful, isn’t it? Your worth, it simply is, It is in no way correlated with outside inputs. The purpose of this podcast, one of the really important purposes, is so that you can own that truth. I want you to own your worthiness. I don’t want you to need to hear from me encouragement, and reassurance and affirmation. Although, I’m going to give it to you. Beyond that, I want you to be so secure in who you are, that it does not matter what other people are saying to you. It does not matter what’s happening around you. You are just totally confident in what you’re doing, in what you bring to the table and the direction you’re headed. That’s going to apply, and change your life when it comes to your parenting, your marriage, your business, if you’re an entrepreneur, or your career. Whatever it is you’re doing, whatever goals you have, whatever aspirations you have. Girl, your worthiness is the key, it’s the foundation. That’s what we’re going to be addressing.
I’m a prenatal and postnatal fitness specialist, so I work with women in all stages of pregnancy and postpartum recovery. What I find is, a lot of times we have these goals for ourselves, in terms of our health, our fitness, our bodies. We have goals in all different areas of our lives, right? These goals are so heavily impacted by the way that we perceive ourselves. The way that we perceive our worth. The way that we articulate our identity to ourselves. That it is impossible for us to really, fully grasp and achieve the goals that we set for ourselves in our lives, and really walk in the fullness of what it is we want to be in this life, without addressing those internal components.
I know I just unloaded a lot on you there. You know, I’m a deep thinker, so if you’re into that, you are in the right place my friend. I want to share something with you about myself, but before I do, I’m curious to know, do you know what your name means? It’s really, kind of a cool exercise. If you don’t, I want you to go on Google and find out. My disclaimer is that, some names have way cooler meaning that others, so don’t feel bad if yours is kind of a dud. But also, maybe your names means, heroine of the forest, or something epic like that.
Mine is not that epic. My name is Samantha, and it means listener. What’s really interesting about that is the meaning of my name is really true to who I am. Inherently, I much prefer to listen and observe, rather than talk. I know you’re probably hearing that and you’re like, ‘Uh, Samantha, you’re on a podcast where you’re gonna be talking all the time, uh do you know that?’ Yes, I realize that. I know it sounds kind of silly.
What I want you to know additionally about me is that I really enjoy and love participating in authentic conversation. That’s what I want this podcast to exist as. To be clear, this is not me coming here and being like, ‘Hey guys, I know all this really cool stuff and here’s what you need to do. Do x, y and z, and you can be like me and aspire to be more like me please.’ No.
There is very little in my life that I have figured out. I am on a journey of learning and I am here to invite you into that journey as well. Beyond that, I think that there are some really important conversations that we, as mothers, and as women, need to be having. They don’t always happen because we are busy, or we feel like it’s uncomfortable. Or we assume that we are the only ones who feel or are experiencing these things. It’s in that assumption, that we are alone, that we shut down and don’t talk about some of this stuff.
So, I’m showing up here, just as my very authentic self. Bringing with me vulnerability and humility and the utmost respect for you and wherever you are in your journey. To say I’m not here to tell you anything, I’m here to have a conversation with you, and those are two very different things.
I wanna say, and I need you to know that I am so excited and so appreciative that you are here. If over the course of listening to this little blurb of a conversation you feel intrigued or excited at all about what’s to come in this podcast, would you do me a favor and leave a review? That would be so incredibly helpful and appreciated. Or, if you enjoyed what we talked about a bit today and it resonated with you, leave a review as well. That’s just so, like I said, helpful to me to know that you are engaged and looking forward to where we’re headed.
You know how I started out this podcast talking about that speech class, and how people are inclined to air their nervousness. Well, I will say, that going on a new journey alone can feel pretty overwhelming and scary, can’t it? But, this is the way I’m thinking about this podcast, and I want you to know. Going on a journey with a new friend is a special kind of blessing, right? That’s what we’re doing. As new friends, we’re going on this journey together. I feel that it is a great blessing and I’m so excited.
I’m going to give you some homework for our launch episode, episode 1. Which, is going to be coming on November 13th. Here’s your homework. You know how when you meet someone new for the first time, there’s this really common question that usually comes up at some point in the conversation. Can you guess what question I’m, thinking of? It’s this one, ‘So, what do you do?’ You’ve heard that before, right? Yeah.
For some of us, when we’re answering that question, we feel super confident and like, ‘Yeah, I know how to answer that question, I know who I am. Boom, here ya go.’ And for others of us, it’s like, ‘Uh I . . .’ You know, it changes every time you answer the question. Or it takes on a new form where you try on different versions of yourself. ‘Oh, I do this.’ Or, ‘I’m going to tweak it a little bit, and this is what I do.’
Regardless of where you fall in that spectrum, I want you to grab a pen and a piece of paper. Or. you can just mentally think through this. I want you to, with very specific attentiveness to the exact words, right down how you answer that question when you’re describing to someone what you do. In addition to the specific words you use, I want you to think about how you feel when you’re answering that question.
So, you’re righting down the words you use, and the feelings you feel, and we’re going to use that for our next episode, which again, is coming on November 13th. If you haven’t done so already, hit the subscribe button. So that way, when the launch episode drops you will be in the loop and ready for the action and we can dive into this really excellent homework assignment that I have just given you. You are welcome!
Look, I’m all about hands on activities. So, you are welcome for that. Anyways, I am so excited for what is coming. I am so thankful for you and for your time today. I can’t wait to continue the conversation next time. Take care.